With this week commemorating the Shaheedipurab of our Chotay Sahibzaaday, and the upcoming Shaheedipurab of our Vadde Sahibzaaday, my friend (and older sister role model) Sukhsehj Kaur from Ontario, has a few words and thoughts to share with us. Sukhsehj Kaur, a Gursikh mother and Montessori educator shares some spiritual inspiration for parents around the significance for our children on the Shaheedipurab of our Chotay Sahibzaaday. She does so with her personal perspective, and humourous anecdotes from raising their own daughter and some uplifting and inspiring thoughts on traditions. Enjoy this post as she shares how to empower our children to live their highest divine destiny through the inspiration of the lives and Kurbaani of our Chotay Sahibzaaday and Mata Gurjri ji:
***Also included (bottom of this post): a free printable educational Curriculum Guide to share with teachers/parents!
Love,
-ThatSikhMama (Kiranjot Kaur)
My husband and daughter are currently sitting in sangat, enjoying keertan in honour of our Chhotay
Sahibzaaday di Shaheedipurab. I’m at home because I wasn’t well enough to travel. So here I am thinking
about the significance of the day and I have to say, this topic has been sitting with me for a few weeks.
Ever since dear friends of ours, a younger couple with 2 young sons, called asking for advice on how to
share the significance of the Shaheedipurab of our Sahibzaaday with their school. You see, their school is
making a concerted effort during this season to try and commemorate and acknowledge as many
holidays as possible, in an effort to achieve inclusivity. Perhaps it’s to counter balance the visceral hatred
and us vs them propaganda being spued by Trump. As an educator I can relate to the school’s reaction.
You wince every time you hear him say another hate mongering comment because you know there’s a
student somewhere hearing this, or watching the growing rhetoric and hate crimes, and feeling more
and more insecure about their own identity and sense of safety. As a teacher you want to wrap each
child in your arms and protect them from the hate crimes on the evening news, the attacks against their
community and the sudden crack in the innocence of their childhood that’s letting all the fear,
uncertainty and trauma seep through. So as a school, you double down your efforts and you reach out
to parents from diverse communities and try to create a village of solidarity that defies the hate rhetoric
that is thick in the air outside the walls of their school.
I’m touched. The only trouble is this Gurmukh family is struggling because they don’t quite know how to
convey the significance of the Shaheedipurab during a time of ‘merriment and celebration’ among
other cultures and faiths. So we speak for some time, and some beautiful seeds of inspiration sprout as
we share in veechaar…
They ask us about our experience in raising our own daughter (albeit in Canada) and how we
approached the holiday season. I can’t help but chuckle and think back to the time a well meaning
teacher discovered our daughter was the only one in class not celebrating Christmas. Not decorating a
tree, hanging stockings, waiting for Santa to bring an abundance of manufactured gifts perfectly
wrapped and ready to be ripped open while enjoying eggnog and the time honoured tradition of
Christmas carols (this was before the time of Elf on the Shelf mind you and being a public school, there
was no actual mention of Jesus or the spiritual significance of his birth).
Anyways, I digress. The teacher, in her most thoughtful way asks my daughter if there are any special
days we celebrate. Our 7 year old nods, “Yes” and the teacher excitedly presses her to share more. “Can
you share with the class what special traditions you have? Do you bake something special? Do you get
presents? Do you put up lights?” To which my matter-of-fact daughter matter-of-factly replies. “No. We
just wake up earlier and pray longer”.
To her defence in a 7 year olds’ eyes that is pretty much how it goes with every Gurpurab. As much as
we may try to make it significant it’s no Christmas tree, flying reindeer or Jolly ol’ fella with a sac full of
presents.
Did we talk to her about the kurbaanee of the Chhotay Sahibzaaday? Did we infuse her with pride and
purpose for her Sikhi? We sure did try. Bedtime stories were always about Guru Sahib ji and their life
stories and lessons. So much so that she thought when everyone else said they also went to bed with
bedtime stories, they must’ve been hearing similar tales of battles, and martyrdom, and the strength to
fight injustice even if it cost you your life.
I know this because one lovely spring day a little friend of hers came over for a playdate. We’ll call him
Steven. Steven lived down the street, went to the same school and was in her class. They often walked
to school together and so when mom had invited our daughter over for a playdate, we graciously
reciprocated a week or two later. It’s raining on this lovely spring day, so our daughter and Steven are
playing Legos in the family room while I prepare a snack and eaves drop on their adorable innocent
conversations. Steven’s a gentle soul. He plays fair, and takes turns. He’s sweet and there’s a running
dialogue between the two as they build a fort of Legos. Suddenly Japnaam is asking Steven if he would
be willing to die if someone told him he had to change his religion. Remember, Japnaam is 5. So is
Steven. She asks this in a totally unfiltered way only a young 5 year old can. Steven not really having
contemplated the idea of death, replies a little shakily, “Well my daddy said I’m going to live for a really,
really long time”. Not good enough Steven. Japnaam presses on; “Yeah, but imagine if someone
captures you and your dad is fighting in a battle and they put you in jail and they tell you you have to die
if you don’t change your religion.” Steven, “Well, I don’t want to die”. Japnaam: “Well you have to be
brave and say, I’m not afraid of dying because I’m a Khalsa but I won’t change my religion.” OK, time for
Mama to sweep in with cheese and crackers to break the tension and try and change the subject. Steven
is visibly shaken, Japnaam is oblivious and I’m mentally imagining the conversation I’m going to have to
have with this poor child’s mother to explain the context of Steven’s sudden nightmares!
5 Ways to Celebrate Shaheedipurabs of Our Sahibzaaday
If you are looking to celebrate and commemorate with your children and sangat, and sharing key concepts to share at school:
- Honour the legacy of Mata Gujri Ji. This Shaheedipurab is a commemoration of the Chardhi Kalaa, bhagti, seva and warrior spirit of Mata Gujri ji. She is the maternal force that raises these young 5 and 7 year olds with a fearless spirit to face evil without doubt and to stand for justice in the face of death.
- Honour our Elders and the power of oral history. Our Gursikh elders carry a lifetime of bhagti and have wisdom and spiritual strength to share with their grandchildren. Make a tradition of respecting them and uplift them in the name of Mata Gujri ji, who could send off Guru Gobind Singh ji’s youngest sons to face the harshest evil and still not fear death of body.
- Honour the child. Let this be the most significant time of the year for our children! There is nothing more moving than for them to hear stories about other children literally their own age facing evil/tyrants/bullies fearlessly and upholding their Sikhi in the name of Freedom. Can you imagine?! As an educator I can tell you, to a young child, the Sahibzaaday are their playmates. They feel a bond and connection to them because they can relate to their physical years on earth with their own. “5 and 7? I get that!” “I can relate to that!” It empowers them to face hatred, or bullying fearlessly and with courage and even with a smile that says, my roots run so deep, you won’t break me. I will stand for the Right to Peace and Freedom for all.
- Serve the spirit-soul of your child. As parents we’re so used to parenting. As much as we may try, we’re constantly in a place of authority. Put on your shoes, eat your food, go to bed, do as I say, don’t do that, I know better, you’re too small. Well, this time of year calls for us to set aside that authority, and instead realign our lens when relating to these young physical beings; a lens of humility and awe. View them as young bodies with deep souls, on a life journey equal to yours and mine. Serve these souls. Serve them spiritually. See them as having come into your life hungering to fulfill their Divine destiny of bhagti, seva and simran. Then reevaluate how you can parent them with that Divine Love and Devotion mindfully each day. They are our Sahibzaaday.
- Don’t be afraid to create a meaningful tradition. It doesn’t need to (nor should it) mimic the material or commercial impressions of Santa, a Tooth Fairy, a Bunny Rabbit that lays eggs, or an Aardvark that celebrates Hannukah (Friends reference for the win). Keep it about the deep legacy of Chardi Kalaa that it is.
While doing veechaar (with the young couple I mentioned at the beginning of this post) Bhenji, almost passingly, shared the most touching story with me. She said that she recalled in India being young during the time of the Shaheedipurab and being told the stories by her grandparents. She also remembered being told that in olden times in honour of their Mata Gujri ji’s
strength while being held captive in ‘Tandaa Burj’ with no bed or physical comforts, the elders and family members themselves would forgo sleeping on ‘manjay’, saying “How can we enjoy these luxurious comforts when our Guru Sahib’s Mataji chose to sleep on the cold hard floor with her Saahibzaaday in her arms, immersed in Divine Chardi Kalaa but did not forsake her Sikhi”. My heart expanded in awe, and I thought; What a beautiful and meaningful tradition! Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn. Gather your children and family and decide during this week to sleep on the floor together, after doing paath and hearing the story of our Sahibzaaday from your elders. Make a tradition of sangat, and keertan, or gift them a special baanaa
with new kakaars. Let this be our celebration.
Key concepts to Share at School:
(Please see attached Curriculum Guide)
– courage
– anti bullying
– anti oppression
– strength
– bully, bullied, bystander
– honouring of elders
– oral history and storytelling
– maternal strength and power
– honouring the strength of spirit in children
When I saw this beautiful drawing Kiranjot Kaur Ji shared by her young son, with a message of love and solidarity to the Chotay Sahibzaaday, my thoughts came full circle. I thought, “She has done it! She has made Baba Zorawar Singh Ji and Baba Fateh Singh Ji relatable to her children!” Her son’s words are personal, they are words to a dear friend. This friend will always stay with him. He will bring him courage and strength and compassion and Chardi Kalaa!
Let this be our celebration, our Fateh! Let this be a renewal of faith and fortitude. With Guru Sahib’s Kirpa and blessings on all their Chotay Sahibzaaday!
Akaal!
-Sukhsehj Kaur